Late.

I hate how late it has gotten, as I repurpose memories long forgotten.
I want to sleep, hell I even count sheep.
But yet I cannot sleep.

I take pills, I drink the tea what else do you want from Me?

Please dear body let me rest, don’t you want what is best.

I know we have so many thoughts, of missed opportunities and fumbled plots. All taking place on different sets majority of them ending in regret.

Its like a film as each memory is loaded reel by reel to be cast to the projection screen, my brain driving-in to the show. Which begins painting my eye lids with each and every scene aglow.

It is a show I have seen a million times, a show I need to learn to stop pressing rewind.

Yet I press play every night, settling in for another long, long night.

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Daily Prompt: Broken

Broken beyond repair,
My heart has found a new home…despair.
I live life without a care.
I used to think it was cool to do so,
but I have learned it has left me bare.
Cold and forgotten.
Sometimes I think caring is necessary.
I feel like a bird trapped in an aviary.
Let me go, let me live.
Living without care does not mean you are free.
No I live without a care because I’m broken, bruised and forgotten.
My mind is a rotten depressing trove of unique thoughts that I cling to dearly.
To me they feel like the building blocks to my life.
I enjoy the sadness and when I begin to find happiness, I find a way to crush it.
Break and bruise it. So it, with my life can be left in shambles, irreparable.
When all is lost I will look in the mirror, bottle in hand and say…

I don’t care.

via Daily Prompt: Broken

Heavy.

Time weighs heavy on the body,
If you look at the old me, well I mean the young me, you can tell very well,
Where my skin has certainly fell.

Oh the stories these old bones could tell.
That time she left and my heart felt so heavy,
Hell that one time I bought that brand new Chevy…Oh I loved that Chevy.

Oh yes I have seen and done it all.
Hell I dont stand so tall…anymore.
See time is heavy as it drags old skin and feabile bones,
Down to earth, returning what is owed.
Death is at the door screaming pick up the phone.
Time is heavy, you can feel it in your soul, in your heart and in your bones.

Oh yes I have seen and done it all.

I guess it is time to answer that call…

 

I do not Know


I don’t know how to deal with my feelings so instead of discussing.
I start cussing.
And walk away.
To put on headphones,
Start blaring music, while I play video games,
You yell my name and I pretend not to hear,
I’m such a loser so why are you still here?

Goodnight Son

I sit in a office all day wishing I was there,
Jolly sounding toys piercing the air.
Laughing and smiling without a care.
Wishing I could go play with my son. He just turned 1
But no I sit there
with a blank stare.
I get about an hour a night. Before its goodnight son I love you son. Sorry I don’t see you son. I’m doing this so you can have some cool toys, the food you need and everything else to give you a good life. Or so I think. Is it really needed? Of course it is but would he do better with less things and more time? Time is precious. Especially when its two days a week.
See I see him on the weekend
Literally the week end It feels like I  have missed the entire week
For that check
I’m wreck
I’m in debt
Life’s too real
I cant feel
I have been robbed of IT and still
I have been taught to go with motion without emotion
Its the only way to survive in this ocean.

Sorry for rambling. Goodnight Son…

I choose you…

My eyes look like fire trucks,
But yet I give no fucks.

My mind feels like a bowl of oatmeal.
But what I’m working towards feels too real.

I barely sleep,
And I have almost no time to eat.

With dreams of doing something more,
All this work feels nothing like a chore.

But with a baby, a job and that side grind.
I have realized I have no time.

It is sleep or work?
I choose work.

Daily Prompt: Premonition

I have a premonition,
Sitting in my mind,
This sick new addition.
OR addiction.
I cannot stop thinking about it.
I feel it in my bones,
My chest is tight.
Something feels like it will go wrong tonight.
I’m ok its all in my head.
There is no way I will end up dead.
I will go straight home,
And keep on the light.
All I have to do is make it through the night.

via Daily Prompt: Premonition

Agoraphobia.

Crunch crunch crun..
I hear the footsteps and I feel obligated to run.

The smell is putrid,
Like milk that is long overdo,
Like a pot of rotten stew.

Its gross,

Most

Gross I certainly say.
I really should have stayed in today.

Because when I go outside,
I feel as though I may die.
My fear and anxiety engulfs me one step at a time.
Making me feel as I may lose my mind.

The smell of everything in this city is overwhelming,
One million people should not be allowed to live so close to each other.
I really need to move to another.

Daily Prompt: Imagination of a Better Nation

Expand the imagination.
To a better nation.
Where it was easier to find your place in.

Imagination is a funny thing,
Because what I think of,
And what you think of are probably two different things.

Maybe we find some similarities.
The middle of a venn diagram.
But certainly more will weigh on the left and the right.

That there is why we never will reach the ultimate height.
We will never have this imagination nation,
The perfect country.

Too many differences on the left and the right, and literally none of you are right.

You may have good points, but if you cling to your side,
Versus working to the middle. Understanding and compromising.
We all will live in a state of compromise.

In my eyes,
I wish we could cut ties,
To these old lies.
And really stop picking sides.

via Daily Prompt: Imagination