Tag: Writing

I have not Written in a Year…

I have not written anything in a year,
It has been busy,
Good and Bad.
My son is growing so fast,
I look at him and before you know it he has past,
Another milestone, another day, another memory locked away.

I have not written anything in a year,
I have lived through happiness and lots of fear.
I have been happy and I have been sad,
I have had anxiety building until I thought I was going mad.

I have not written anything in a year,
But I think its time I start,
To ease my mind of its dark tendencies.
Of anxiety and stress.
Panic Disorders and hypochondria wrecking my life.
I’m sad and trapped and feel as if I’m dying,
But I know this isn’t true,
So I should stop lying,
To myself all of the time,
No that headache isnt serious,
Jesus; mind give me a break.

Relate?

Behind this painted smile is a pain that has been lingering a while.
Comes around each season like it is in style.

I used to enjoy it.
Listening to depressing music
Thinking…
“Damn, I relate”

I don’t enjoy it anymore.
I need to leave this sorry state.

Goodnight Son

I sit in a office all day wishing I was there,
Jolly sounding toys piercing the air.
Laughing and smiling without a care.
Wishing I could go play with my son. He just turned 1
But no I sit there
with a blank stare.
I get about an hour a night. Before its goodnight son I love you son. Sorry I don’t see you son. I’m doing this so you can have some cool toys, the food you need and everything else to give you a good life. Or so I think. Is it really needed? Of course it is but would he do better with less things and more time? Time is precious. Especially when its two days a week.
See I see him on the weekend
Literally the week end It feels like I  have missed the entire week
For that check
I’m wreck
I’m in debt
Life’s too real
I cant feel
I have been robbed of IT and still
I have been taught to go with motion without emotion
Its the only way to survive in this ocean.

Sorry for rambling. Goodnight Son…

I choose you…

My eyes look like fire trucks,
But yet I give no fucks.

My mind feels like a bowl of oatmeal.
But what I’m working towards feels too real.

I barely sleep,
And I have almost no time to eat.

With dreams of doing something more,
All this work feels nothing like a chore.

But with a baby, a job and that side grind.
I have realized I have no time.

It is sleep or work?
I choose work.

Agoraphobia.

Crunch crunch crun..
I hear the footsteps and I feel obligated to run.

The smell is putrid,
Like milk that is long overdo,
Like a pot of rotten stew.

Its gross,

Most

Gross I certainly say.
I really should have stayed in today.

Because when I go outside,
I feel as though I may die.
My fear and anxiety engulfs me one step at a time.
Making me feel as I may lose my mind.

The smell of everything in this city is overwhelming,
One million people should not be allowed to live so close to each other.
I really need to move to another.

Many Years…

I have loved you many years.
Even if each day my love you do not reciprocate.
I’am ill.
But still..
I miss and think about you each day,
I think of each way,
That we could be..
I really should pass on you,
I know its what my family would like to see.
So goodbye.?. No
I love you so,
Your so kind to me…
Until I feel that late night stumble
Making me truly humble.
I miss the way this relationship used to be,
It used to be fun and filled with glee.
We shared our love with our friends,
But now we are just alone most days.
Sitting on the couch everyone one in my house asleep music playing as I have a fixed glaze.
Yet ten years of my life have been a slave to your love.
For better or worse,
One day you will certainly put me in a hearse.
But with you I feel far from 6 feet down.
Even if I look like a clown.
Usually I carry a frown so anything is better.
But…
After many years, I must say its time for us to go our separate ways.
I cannot be a slave for this alcohol.
No that is something I can not do at all.

*sorry for all of the grammatical errors. I wrote this intoxicated and quickly.

Make It Last

I watch you grow,
And boy you grow fast.
I wish I could make each day last.
But that is the funny thing about time.
Before you know it another day has come and another has past.

At first when you were around,
I’d grumble around.
I swear I love you,
But you make so much sound.

Or noise or more like screams,

You and I have no sense of time,
You are up at night like its the time to be alive.
Screaming then playing.
While I stand over you begging.
Please just one more hour, go to sleep.
I need it please.

You don’t care, Your wants come and go.
Jumping from objects like a flea.

Through it all though I love you so.
I would trade none of it, I tell you.
If I could I would make it slow.
Because before you know it you will grow and grow and grow.

You will be my big son,
That does sound fun,
But I know you will start your life and go away and do things that I will marvel at.
But I will miss these days too.
When you were just a little baby trying to get through.
All those tough days,
Teeth coming in
All the ruined clothes we had to throw in the bin.

I really love you I really do.
You grow so fast and soon your baby days will be in the past.
For now though I cherish every moment. Ill do my best to make them last.
I’m so glad I can call myself your parent.